My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
