He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
