Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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