You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
