im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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