your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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