I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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