You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
