Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
