cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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