so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
