ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
