Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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