i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
