This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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