i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
