Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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