I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't notice because vodka
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
