OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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