I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
