How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Say something about gay babies.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
