Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
