It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
