You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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