got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
