you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
