I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
