So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
