we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
