shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
