PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
