I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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