I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
smell my finger.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
