So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
