I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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