i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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