The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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