I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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