KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
