I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
