u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
