i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
