Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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