I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
