im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
