the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
