Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
