the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So apparently I’m into choking now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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