You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
