yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
